Double D-Pressing

Driving South down Torbram Rd. in Mississauga you pass by a lot of things as you go. From a seemingly 24 hour Indian restaurant to back room electronic stores that tend to only exist in these kinds of industrial complexes.  One thing that a lot of people seem to pass by these days right at the corner of Derry and Torbram Rd. and that is the ancient, lumbering dinosaur known as The Airport Strip.
 
 Now when we pulled into their massive parking lot on Saturday around 10:30 (pm) we found a spot easy enough and from the amount of cars parked there, you would think that this place is just plain jumpin’.  Their marquee blazes in faded hot pink and once upon a time was probably quite impressive but now just tells you of how hard old age is hitting them.  Yet an older woman can quite often ruin young bucks like us in bed so we weren’t taking any chances with this particular brand of cougar. After all, the crowded parking lot told us that at least the place was busy so it couldn’t be all that bad..
 
 Pulling open the giant metal doors and walking into a darkly lit club with the music pounding is always something that sets my blood on fire and probably my favorite part of doingthis job.  But as we walked into Airport Strip, it was beginning to get kind of confusing as their flickering half dead black lights, gaudy red strip lights and sticky flooring left us a little dumbfounded.  There was almost no one there.  It was Saturday night and the place was as dead as disco in Detroit.  If I were to guess at it, I would have to say there were about 25 people including us that decided to visit The Airport Strip this night and from what we learned from talking to the girls, was that it's a busy night. As it turns out, the only reason the parking lot was packed is that the Airport’s old VIP section was turned into a male strip club and apparently the women love it as some of the 25 patrons that were in this half with us were spilled over from the male club.
 
 The stage that stays empty most of the time with two or even three song intervals between dancers is possibly the biggest monstrosity of a stage I have even seen or ever wish to see again. In back, it is done up with Doric style Greek columns and is a mini version of The Temple of Delians and that's fine I guess. Accept for the fact they have silver tinsel dangling at the entrance of this mini temple that looks about as old as the original one in Greece, along with enough strip lighting to make the electric company drool at the end of the month.  The stage floor is kind of shaped like a stubby penis with a very short shaft and that sounds pretty damn Greek to me and if that isn’t enough to give you a hint about who owns the club there are the random ugly beige curtains hanging off the ceiling for no other reason then to look hideous. On the stage where the two vertical poles stick into the ceiling if you’re unlucky enough to be looking anywhere near it, is the brightest strobe light in all of creation and it was on for about five whole minutes straight. There is also a second bar on the right hand side of the club that remains unused because of slow business and from what I saw is probably going to stay closed for a good long while. 
 
 The staff at the Airport Strip stick to themselves and every now and again pop round to see if you want anything that they could overcharge you for.  Of course, the service is fast, and you get your first round just as soon as you order it and I would truly hope so because you’re probably the only person who has actually ordered something in the last 30 minutes.  So it bloody well should be fast.  As for the girls at Airport, when they are not asking to borrow your phone to arrange a ride the hell out of there ( TRUE STORY ) they aren’t all that bad.  They are friendly enough to anyone who will buy them a drink and talk to them probably because they are one of that rare breed of stripper that really has to work for their money since no one ever comes in.  All the girls there are unlicenced dancers and it allows for pretty much anyone who can keep a semi beat and take their clothes off to perform for the “crowds.”  However, according to all the ones we talked to, they just plain hate it there and their complaints are almost unending. One of them got so worked up she ended up sobbing into my coat........ wow... fun!.  Along with all these wonderful things to enjoy at Airport Strip, is possibly one of the most annoying DJs I’ve ever been forced to sit and listen to.  With the stereo turned up just that extra half dial too loud, he breaks over the music with a booming voice that cuts into your ears like a chain saw of pure stupidity as he screams for the girls to, “Show us your pussy baby”.... fuck.  
 
 Dances are your average prices of 20 dollars a song and they have a back VIP section all set aside for your convenience.  The sign on the entrance of it says that it will cost you ten dollars to get in but as you go to pay this cover charge the waitress will tell you that you have to buy both yourself and the girl you are with a drink instead. Since a domestic beer runs you about ten with a tip you can guess that this is going to cost you just a bit more than that ten buck cover you were planning on.  There is also a “Champagne Room” section that according to the girls is going to cost you about two hundred dollars every half hour, so if you like a dull time with very expensive drinks and an unlicenced stripper, be my guest and spend it..... I wouldn’t
 
 After drowning in these gaudy Greek decorating disasters all night, I was almost certain about halfway  there would be a freakishly hairy, little man in a wife beater, breaking plates and screaming OPA!.... At least that would have been a nice change of pace from the boredom that just seeps into your bones every single second you are trapped there.  Along with everything else that I’ve said about this place, the sheer fact that a stripper was crying into my sleeve for no other reason than she learned that she was stuck working there all night speaks volumes about why you should just not spend your time or your money there. Both would be wasted..