Well, you know I COULD be a boob guy, but what are you gonna do with em? Flop em around in your hand a little bit?  An ass you can take a nap on, you can fuck it, you get to have em in your face, use it as a pillow and let's be honest it looks great on a mantle.

Too true sir.

Damn right.

Now you've become known as, the “Canadian Ass Man”  and you've been in the business for a few years now.

 Yeah, in about mid '95 I started the whole character, and this was back in the infancy days for the internet back when Geo-Cities was one of the most popular places for a free WEB PAGE. Back in the day websites were called Pages and nowadays I'm kind of a senior, I've been around for a while.  You had to have a kind of a “hook” kind of a name online obviously something like, “Smokin' Joe” or some crap and I picked up the ol' Uncle D thing and I began from there......damn I forget your fucking question pal...you let me ramble too long.

Yeah, it happens.

Aww.. man I just lived up to my own fucking stereotype. White trash without a brain in my fucking head. You were asking why I started all this right?

Actually I was gonna ask you something else but you jumped in half way through the question.

( LAUGHTER )

Let's just do it again.... take two.

No worries. Are you now the definitive voice or authority in home grown Canadian ass?

You know I think so man from all the media shows I've done and all the television appearances my main show being, Web Dreams. I've done appearances on Dragon's Den, Ed The Sock ... hell I've even done Match Maker before. I've been with Fight Tv and whatever is out there. I'm there and it's all about Canada. I'm very patriotic. I'm VERY proud of my country and a firm believer in having Canadian content and I like to think I bring an edge .. a much needed edge to being in Canada.  For me, it's all about being a Canadian in Canada and trying to show that we have more than just hockey and doe skins, which is great of course ,don't get me wrong. I'm all about pushing the fact that we're pretty damned hard-core up here as well, and that we love our ass.

Damned right.  Now, what is the best and worst thing about ass?

I guess the worst thing would have to be is where there is none, or when an ass is too small for me. That kind of sucks.  Now, I like preferably a nice big, round bubble bum. Now petite girls are ok as long as they have that abnormal small waist with large hips and an ass that is pretty damned hot.  But the best thing about ass is being able to shoot it, and make a living off of it. It's god damned incredible.

I would imagine, and of course your ability to do so is why you're my new idol.

Why, thank you sir.

Not at all. Not at all' Now your site www.touchyourtoes.com is pretty damned unique where as while it IS porn, it doesn't cross the line into full on nudity.  Where did you come up with the idea to go that way with it?

It's not a matter of coming up with the idea. It is just a matter of marketing what I like, and I've always been into, “The Tease,” but I think it goes back.  I always revert back to this when I start thinking about it, my grade two teacher Mrs. Tommy and her red, skin tight, candy apple slacks. Aww come on, don't look at me like that. It was 1977 pal. Give me a break ( I was laughing at the pants ). Well hell, even back then you had the Buck Rogers show man with all the satin, and Erin Grey was one of the stars on that and I've just been in love with that kind of fetish ever since I was a kid and knew what my penis was..... or what it did.

Fair enough man, no one could fault you for Erin Grey, BUTT who in your opinion has the best ass in the world today?

There is no best ass... there is best asses plural but again it comes down to when they got that extra petite with that round bubble thing.  I could always say the typical like J.Lo or something like that but one of my favourites from TV was Alyssa Milano from the college years on, “Who's The Boss” and she got a little fat no.. wait.. I wouldn't say fat but she put on a little weight and she looked like a woman should be.  She had the skin tight jeans man, then she did that Joey Buttafuoco movie. I don't know if you remember that or not and it was with that girl.

Embrace Of The Vampire?

Naw, Naw. She did that one after and it was alright but it was all boob stuff and she let her ass go which sucks but it was the one before that, and she did all the tight jeans stuff . Amy... It was a make on the real life stuff that happened where she shot the guy from the garage.  She shot his wife... Long Island Lolita. There we go.. that was the movie. There was two of them, Drew Barrymore did it and Alyssa Milano but of course Drew has no ass, cute girl but I prefer the Alyssa thing and her ass was phenomenal.  Going back to the original thing which was the “Best Ass” ,unfortunately, it'sreally not  all about the curves and it's like you don't wanna eat the same thing every day.  I mean don't get me wrong. I would like to have rump roast every day but then you got steak or hamburger and each tastes different.

Makes sense to me, man, but is there such a thing as too much ass or even can there ever be too much ass?

I wouldn't think so because it really depends on what your flavor is for the day or what your mood is at the moment, and to much? You know if we're talking about size it's how you dress it up and when you wear the right thing you know the larger girls, the B.B.W.s as they call it, Big Beautiful Women, they look just as hot man it's all about the material that they use and how they dress it. Not to mention the confidence that goes along with it.

We know you've been on Dragon's Den, and I still say you got screwed, because I watched that man and you got hosed by that chick.

She was a little rough on me but she is just doing what she does and what she knows, and she kind of passed judgement on something she didn't really know about and you gotta be a little, and being the entrepreneurs and the successful entrepreneur that she is, you got not be so judgemental on things.  But we are all entitled to our own opinions and all honesty I did it more for the exposure and to bring a little more talk around the water cooler and supper table by doing that show.  Because it was on the CBC in Canada and so anyone with a set of “rabbit ears” and a coat hanger could pick it up but you KNOW I had some hate mail from the Christian groups after that.

( Laughter )

So you've done that and you've done Web Dreams and others. So has TV been good to Uncle D?

I can't complain. In Canada, it's been phenomenal and Web Dreams has actually been airing in about 12 plus countries around the world. so Israel takes it, Germany, South America, fuck even the Netherlands, so I can't complain.  My fans are very respectful and cool and it ranges from your teenage guys and girls who think it's cool right up to the seniors, and they are all very cool and I think they are thankful that I'm being myself. There is no fake, no facade, no bullshit with me. I say it like it is and you can either like it or love it .. fuck... like it or hate it one or the other but my fans are always respectful and very supportive.

What's next for Uncle D?

Well, right now I'm working on the new documentary on the band, Easy Sleazy so I'm managing those guys and they are highly influenced by Guns 'n' Roses, STP, and they are amazing musicians. There is a little bit of drama going on behind the scenes but well it will make for good TV and the fans, not just my fans, are gonna grow to love these guys.  Not just the music but the individuals as well and  I'm looking forward to bringing a little more edge back to the airways again.

Sounds cool. Now... Last question. Let's pretend that you've done everything you've wanted to do, you're 80 years old and sitting in the old perverts' home; are you still gonna be pinching the ass of that nurse?

I may be pinching it but I probably won't know why because odds are pretty good my mind is gonna be toast but it's probably gonna be just like when I was a kid... I don't know why I like it... but I like it.
                                  
Everyone at XXXToronto.com would like to extend our thanks to Uncle D for taking the time to speak with us and fitting us into his schedule at, The Show.  The man was swamped from the beginning of the show to the end and even to the point where he couldn't even leave his booth so we could get a quiet chat so this interview was taped while D did his thing and spent practically every other word shaking hands and signing autographs.  If you haven't had a chance to catch anything done by D or the band, Easy Sleazy, both of those things are easily fixed by simply checking out D's website www.touchyourtoes.com and here are a few links to some Sleazy music videos ( Here ) and ( Here) and their website http://www.myspace.com/easy_sleezy.  Thanks again Uncle D... you're the best dirty old Uncle a guy could want.